I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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