My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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