I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
