i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
