just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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