I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
