Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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