Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Nobody cheats on THIS.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
