she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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