So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
