If that was your dad, he is hot
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
