dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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