he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
