Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
