Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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