is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
