You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
