I wanna bring you to show and tell
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
