No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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