Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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