apparently the secret to your success is patron
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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