So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
