just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
