First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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