There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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