hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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