i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize