I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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