I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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