We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
