Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
