I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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