i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
