why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
