I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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