Are we in a gay sports bar?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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