you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
