My liver just broke up with me...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
