NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
