Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
