I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
