I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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