her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
