i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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