If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
