I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
