I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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