In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
