I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
