I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
