Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
