In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
