There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
