I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
