YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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