The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
