and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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