Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
