I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
