I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
