thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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