I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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