i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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