his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
