Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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