I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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