i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
