Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
