I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
