I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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