I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize