you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
