He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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