I'm lost and stupid without you.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
